Mushroom Mishap
by Myou Matsuro
Summary: His comrades have left him to "guard the campsite", and Sagan is hungry. This is so unfair.


A/N: I miss our original D&D group. This was a little scene I thought up when Claire, Koa, and I were coming up with our group's dynamics, and I couldn't let it pass by. As fun as our next sea-campaign will be, I'll still miss our silliness and the banter we all had.

Notes: This is before Leo and Ra joined the group, and I'm still iffy on the timeline of it all (what with Dima's age and all) but hey, that's alright. It's not dedicated to anyone or anything in particular, except perhaps the memory of our first D&D games.

* * *

A low growl could be heard from his stomach. Sagan sighed again as he waited for his friends to return. The brunette knew he was supposed to stay at camp to watch their gear, but it seemed silly that he, being the eldest of the trio, had to stay behind. After all, with those extra years under his belt, he was bound to be more suited towards this type of thing, right? He'd lived alone, wandering from town to town to play his music for three years before even running into Alothus! Yes, he could handle a small venture into the forest to get some firewood and catch a hare or two, surely!

But that still did not answer why his compatriots felt it better to tell – no, _order_ – him to stay behind. Although, a niggling voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like the seven year old elf was telling him that it was because he would be hopelessly incapable of concentrating on the task at hand, and would probably find poisonous herbs and sick animals that would kill them instead of proper food. Sagan liked to ignore this voice.

Just as Sagan was refolding his jacket while reorganizing their campgrounds for the seventh time, his stomach emitted a pitiful moan. It didn't even have the energy to growl anymore. He sadly patted his midsection in a soothing manner and resolved to explore a bit of the surrounding forest to try and find some quick food. He quickly put down his obnoxiously red jacket – he still wasn't quite sure why he got _that_ colour of all things, since it was like a beacon in any sneaky situation he was bound to get into – and glanced around to try and sense if his partners were nearby. After all, it wouldn't do to have them return to an empty campground and worry over nothing, right?

He didn't hear anything that would signal their return – although looking back on this, he would realise that he wouldn't have heard them anyways since they're elves – and wandered off to the edges of the small clearing their trio had found while on the run. Again.

Sagan circled their clearing, looking for mushrooms or anything that would serve as tinder, but found nothing. Looking back at their belongings, he shrugged and stepped a little further into the woods. He figured he could still see their camp from a few metres in, and it wouldn't hurt to be a bit more thorough.

Wandering around on all fours, Sagan sniffed around for the fungi he had heard about in the most recent town's taverns before they had been forced to move along. Honestly, though, Sagan wasn't quite sure what they would look like. In his days of wandering on his own, he had usually bought most of his rations from the towns and eaten them instead of hunting for his own food. The few times where he hadn't made enough money to afford "bath time", drinks, and supplies, he would do without the supplies and take advantage of the forest creatures that would wander close to him whenever he played his music. That was definitely a plus about being a bard. After all, having a few squirrels bring him a handful of nuts and being able to get close enough to a deer to shoot it down was something most travellers couldn't boast. (1)

After sniffing around for a few minutes, he had successfully snagged his waist apron – a gift from a very kind baker he had met once – three times, gotten two grass stains on his pants, and hit his head on a tree trunk five times. (2) Just as Sagan was about to call it a day and return to the campsite empty handed and decidedly hungrier, he saw it.

On a fallen tree trunk only a few metres ahead, several lay mushrooms. Sagan scrambled over to the trunk in his eagerness, and sat back to take in his glorious findings. The little voice returned, asking him why Dima or Alothus hadn't picked these since they were so nearby. He shrugged to himself, and tried to remember what the drunkards had said about the mushrooms. Unfortunately, they had told him about poisonous mushrooms, as well as edible ones, so he didn't want to accidentally mess up if he picked the wrong ones for their stew, but they all _looked so good!_ He recalled a beefy man clapping him on the back, talking about "LBM" s, which Sagan assumed meant "Little Brown Mushrooms" in the context, but he was surrounded by a plethora of mushrooms. (3) Not only were there little brown mushrooms everywhere, there were some really nice smelling pumpkin coloured ones to his left, and several white mushrooms on the ground by his feet. (4)

He wasn't very knowledgeable with mushrooms, so he figured he could gather them all in his apron and bring them to camp. He plucked the little brown ones first since he figured they would be safe. He remembered seeing little brown mushrooms in stew before, and was _pretty_ sure that the drunkard had talked about them in a positive light. He looked at the orange mushrooms, and wondered if it would be safe. After all, they were quite….brightly coloured, and if he wasn't correct, in the animal kingdom that usually meant "Hey, I'm a poisonous little bugger". So, deciding it wasn't worth the risk – even if they _did_ smell absolutely delectable – he overlooked them and turned to the mysterious white mushrooms. Sagan vaguely remembered someone describing white mushrooms before, but he had been far too drunk to pay any attention at the time, which was a shame. Now it was a toss-up. Still crouching by the log, Sagan scratched his stubble while he considered his luck.

The other day, he had bedded a _very_ good looking stable hand which could mean Lady Luck was on his side this week. The stable hand's young wife had come across them and joined in, which was definitely a plus. (5) On the other hand, the verbal beating he had taken from Alothus and Dima for not returning to the tavern that night had been quite…uncomfortable. But that was his compatriots for you; they had been enjoying themselves looting some poor noble or other most of the night, but he couldn't enjoy a little ménage à trois on his free night. (6)

Figuring his hand in luck was quite good for the week, Sagan decided to just add the white mushrooms to his little pile. His stomach made an enquiring rumble, as if it sensed edible items nearby, and Sagan was sorely tempted to just pop a few mushrooms in his mouth. A little raw food couldn't hurt once in a while right?

Just as he was about to pop a white mushroom in his mouth, a frying pan whistled by his ear. (7)

"You idiot, don't eat that! That's a Destroying Angel!" was the cry of one of his friends. Sagan turned his head to the side and saw Alothus glaring at the mushroom that was now crushed in Sagan's hand due to his shock. Dima was now rushing past him to retrieve the frying pan she had thrown at him in her attempt to prevent him from eating the fungus.

"Um, hi guys…" Sagan confusedly greeted his party members. He didn't know what an angel would be doing here, and he certainly didn't see any ethereal glows in the surrounding area. But from the way Alothus was glaring at the mushroom in his hand, he suspected that had something to do with it. Lowering his hand very slowly and carefully to the ground, Sagan dropped the fungus, and began to remove few white headed mushrooms he had already gathered. Seeing this, Alothus visibly calmed down, although his next words were just as angry and exasperated as before.

"Sagan, what are you doing here anyways? You were supposed to watch camp, but instead, Dima and I find you out here preparing to eat one of the most well known poisonous mushrooms out there!" Sagan winced at the last statement. _He_ certainly hadn't known it was poisonous. Instead of looking like even more of an idiot, Sagan decided to take his losses and be thankful the two had found him before he had eaten those mushrooms. However, he noticed Alothus nodding to the orange mushrooms next to him, "It's a good thing you didn't pick those either. Those are Jack-O'-Lanterns which would cause us to have really bad stomach aches."

Dima returned with her frying pan and promptly attached herself to Alothus's side, frowning at Sagan. Her disapproval was obvious. As the trio returned to the relatively undisturbed campsite, she took the little brown mushrooms from Sagan disdainfully and began to prepare a stew. Apparently one of them had found a nearby creek, because there were several canteens of fresh water available for her to wash off the herbs she had gathered and rinse off the mushrooms Sagan had procured. Alothus gathered together the timber to create a fire, which left Sagan to skin and gut the poor rabbits Alothus had found. As they all set about their business, Sagan looked at his comrades. Dima and Alothus were making small talk about whatever elves and half-elves talk about, and seemed to have temporarily forgotten about Sagan's nearly fatal mistake. Their campground wasn't lonely anymore – he had his friends with him. He liked this feeling.

* * *

1) Yes, Sagan uses his music to lure in animals to kill them. He's okay with this. Oh, and "Bath Time" is the euphemism Sagan and Alothus use around Dima to refer to sex.

2) I'm talking about the waist aprons. Sagan's got one, although he usually wears it to the side, and you guys might not have noticed it in his character design. And if you were wondering, he _did _sleep with that particular baker. No shame, this one. It's so fun to write.

3) Many little brown mushrooms are harmless, however some are hallucinogenic or mildly poisonous, meaning it'll give you the shits. A few of them are deadly as well, so I would _not_ recommend eating them without knowing what they are. Actually, I wouldn't recommend eating wild mushrooms at all, because you might mistake them for something else…

4) The orange mushrooms later named as Jack-O'-Lanterns are real mushrooms. They are orange, and at night they sometimes give off a faint greenish glow at night. These mushrooms are mildly poisonous to grown, healthy adults so it will only make your stomach mildly or severely upset, but I do not know its effects on children. Not recommended to eat it. The white mushrooms are Amanitas, also known as Destroying Angels, and one cap can kill a man. You should look these up online – it's fascinating.

5) Oh yes, it's exactly what you think. Sagan loves "bath time", aka sex.

6) Ménage à trios is a threesome. In case you didn't know. And as a little bonus: any position you can imagine them doing it in? Sagan probably did it.

7) Yes, Claire, I added that. Just for you.


End file.
